


Leave a Message

by malecpriorities



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, I'm Sorry, IM UPSET, M/M, Malec, Phone Call, Pictures, Tears, Ugh, Voicemail, im bad at tagging, im not crying you're crying., im really sorry, malec post breakup, malec sad, memories and stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-15 04:56:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11798850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malecpriorities/pseuds/malecpriorities
Summary: Alec Lightwood had just let the love of his life walk away from him. He shouldn't have. He just wants to let Magnus know how he really feels and say what he should've said a long time ago, so Alec makes a phone call.Magnus Bane just walked away from the love of his immortal life, and he regrets it. So, in reply to the voicemail Alec leaves, he leaves a voicemail as well~*~*~Just a fic consisting of post malec breakup feels, Alec finding his home, voicemails and lots of feels.What both sides think after they seperate.





	1. Home

Alec wasn't sure what he felt. He knew that he hurt. He knew that he was in pain. Beyond that, he didn't know what he felt. 

Magnus had been the one who had hurt him, but Alec wasn't mad at him. He was mad at himself for making things get so messy. Things were always bound to get hard. He knew that, but he didn't think it would get this hard. 

All he could do was turn away to walk back to his office. He held back the tears and did what any Shadowhunter would do. Block out all of the emotions. 

When he finally made it back to the office, he hadn't expected everything to come crashing down on him. He walked in, and all he could remember was the fancy dinner he had in there with Magnus not too long ago. He slowly made his way to the desk and all he could hear was what Magnus had said to him when he found out about the soul sword. And now that he had finally made his way to his chair, all he could see was the framed picture of himself and Magnus. 

It had been taken weeks before, when neither of them knew they were being photographed. Alec was standing one step above Magnus in front of the Institute and they were both laughing at something Magnus had said. Alec was looking down at Magnus and it was clear that they only had eyes for each other. They were linked together by their intertwined fingers. Alec could almost place himself back into the moment and he could see the love radiating off both of them. 

All he could think of was that the two people in this picture were the luckiest people. Their smiles were never unsmiling, hearts were never breaking and time was forever frozen in love. Neither one had the slightest idea that something so horrible was going to happen so soon. 

This was all Alec had left to cling onto. The last thing that kept him going. Maybe, just maybe, if they had been so happy at one time, they could figure out a way to be happy together again. Alec knew that he hadn't fought his way to make Magnus his for nothing, and neither had Magnus. 

Perhaps Magnus was out there, waiting for Alec to come home, just like Alec had been waiting to go home.

But, where was home now? Alec knew that had he been asked earlier in the day he would've answered "Magnus' loft." But now? He didn't know. 

Magnus' loft had been a place where he had been healed. Not only by Magnus' magic but also by his love. Magnus' love for him had opened up new doors for Alec, made him realize that he wasn't an abomination to mankind just for being gay, and made him find out that love wasn't something that made you weak, but rather made you stronger. And all of that had happened in Magnus' loft.

So, of course Alec would consider it "home". Now, however, he couldn't call it home because he had ruined that relationship without saying anything. Everything had become so hard, and it was all because of him. 

It's possible that things could get easier, but not before Alec paid the price for hurting Magnus so much. He didn't want to hurt him, in fact everything he had done was to keep him safe. Alec understood though that how he had gone about it had been the worst way to go about it. 

But that picture, the damned thing. It made him remember what it was like to love Magnus, not that he could ever forget. The picture made Alec want to run into Magnus' arms, even if it was for one last time. He would memorize the way Magnus felt because he would at least know it was the last time he'd get to feel Magnus' arms wrapped around him, making him feel... feel. 

Home.

Magnus felt like home. 

Because Magnus was home. Magnus is his home. 

Alec wanted to keep this feeling deep within him, but at the same time he wanted the world to know that Magnus Bane was his home.

One thing that hadn't changed and Alec had known all along was that Magnus was his world. So, instead of letting the whole world know that Magnus was home, why not let his world know that he figured out where home was. 

He picked his phone up and scrolled through his contacts until he found the name he was looking for. 

He wasn't expecting an answer and he didn't receive one. Alec heard the beep of the answering machine and began. 

"I'm not sure if I'll have enough time to say this, or if I'll be brave enough to finish, but here's the thing. If you hurt me, that's okay. It's only me and anyway, I hurt you more, which I am so mad about. I'm mad at myself for hurting you, because you're... you're you. I don't know. All I know is that I want you to hold me and never let me go, but that isn't possible anymore, is it? That's alright, as long as I have the memory of how I kissed you and the nights that we would dance without any music and the days that I would just look at you because you're so damn beautiful. Those are all my favorite things to remember, but I want to be making new memories with you. It hurts right now, it hurts so bad. But, maybe it'll get better? I'm not sure if it actually will... It definitely won't until I have you back in my arms. You're my world, Magnus Bane. And we always find our way back. This time just might be a little more rough. You're my home Magnus. And I might be away for a little while, but at some point I'm going to get so beyond homesick and I'll need to come home. Hopefully, you'll have the door unlocked. So just...." Alec's voice dropped down to a whisper as he realized what he had just said and how bad it hurt to say it all out loud. "Just, wait for me to come home." 

The last thing Alec remembered was the sound of the phone clattered onto the ground and the way the tears felt as they rolled down his face. 

The only thing he felt at this point was the need to go home. Alec just wanted to go home.


	2. Broken

Walking into the loft without Alexander by his side was one of the hardest things he'd done lately. He just wanted to go home and drink until the pain was only a dull throbbing, but that clearly wasn't going to work out this time around. Walking away from Alec was Magnus walking away from the love of his life. And for what? Some dishonesty? Why did he even need to choose between his people and his Alexander?

Magnus roamed over to take a seat in the living room. He sat down, and realized that the chair he had chosen was the one where he had told Alexander his darkest memories. The ones that haunted him at night. He jumped out of the chair as if he had been burnt and changed his course of action.

Magnus poured himself a drink and wandered out to the balcony to get some fresh air. Of course, no where in his home would be free of memories with Alec, so he did what he would normally do after a hard day. He stood outside on his balcony and watched the night sky and the cars on the streets below while he drank away the problem.

He let his thoughts touch into the subject of Alec. He wondered how long it would've taken Alec to leave him. Would it have been in 5 years, when he realized he wasn't going to get much out of the relationship besides Magnus himself. They couldn't get married, not with the current Clave laws. The Clave most likely wouldn't even let them adopt children. Would it have been within 15 years when Alec noticed that he was aging but Magnus still stayed the same, 22 years old for the rest of eternity? It was hard to tell, but it wouldn't have taken long for Alec to leave. It was proof enough that he hadn't chased after Magnus. He hadn't called his name or even texted him. How was that for "commitment"?

He had put all of his trust, his love, everything he had, in Alec. At first he was afraid of letting Alec in. He wanted to build up walls around his heart and never let Alec come between him and those walls. Apparently, that had been the right thing to do, because as soon as Magnus had let Alec in those walls, Alec took advantage and ripped his heart out, along with his trust and then simply discarded of them. Magnus wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to trust like that again.

His thought process continued on until he had drank himself into oblivion. He could barely remember making his way through the loft and back to his bedroom before passing out in one of Alec's sweaters, his head stuffed into Alec's pillow.

~*~*~

Magnus woke up the next morning with a pounding headache. He glanced around the room, instinctively reaching for Alec, only to be met by the cold side of the bed that Magnus usually slept on. He remembered what he had said to Alec the day before, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to take it back or not. It certainly felt like he wanted to go back to Alec, considering as how empty the bed felt.

He reached for his phone, surprised his drunk self had left it there, and glanced at the notifications. He had a missed call, a voicemail and a few texts.

He opened his phone and looked through the messages he had received. They were normal messages from clients asking for this spell or that potion within a certain amount of time. He continued onto his voicemail. He didn't bother to look at the number, expecting the same thing that he had heard on the text messages. There was no greeting to the voicemail, but Magnus recognized the voice immediately.

"I'm not sure if I'll have enough time to say this, or if I'll be brave enough to finish, but here's the thing. If you hurt me, that's okay."

Magnus couldn't believe he actually had received a call from Alec. He wasn't expecting to, and he definitely wasn't prepared for an opening like this. He hadn't completely thought about the pain he had put Alec through.

"It's only me and anyway, I hurt you more, which I am so mad about. I'm mad at myself for hurting you, because you're... you're you. I don't know."

Magnus understood exactly what Alec was trying to get across. He knew how it felt to hurt the people he loved, even if he hadn't done it intentionally. Which was exactly what Alec was feeling.

"All I know is that I want you to hold me and never let me go, but that isn't possible anymore, is it? That's alright, as long as I have the memory of how I kissed you and the nights that we would dance without any music and the days that I would just look at you because you're so damn beautiful. Those are all my favorite things to remember, but I want to be making new memories with you. It hurts right now, it hurts so bad. But, maybe it'll get better? I'm not sure if it actually will... It definitely won't until I have you back in my arms."

Magnus knew exactly how Alec was remembering all of their time together, in fact, he had done it himself, if he remembered last night correctly. Magnus also knew that for him, it would never get better, but it had to get better for Alec. He was only mortal, after all.

"You're my world, Magnus Bane. And we always find our way back. This time just might be a little more rough."

Alec was Magnus' world as well, but he wasn't sure if they'd find their ways back too soon. At least Alec still had hope.

"You're my home, Magnus. And I might be away for a little while, but at some point I'm going to get so beyond homesick and I'll need to come home. Hopefully, you'll have the door unlocked. So just...."

Magnus could hear his own intake of breath and he felt his heart drop in anticipation of the next words Alec said. With the pause that Alec took, Magnus could tell that Alec had finally realized everything he'd said, so if he said anything more, it would be important for Alec to consciously decide to put it out there for Magnus to hear.

"Just, wait for me to come home."

Little did Alec know, that's all Magnus was doing right now, even though he had forcibly removed Alec from his life. If Magnus was home and Alec lived there, Magnus would wait forever before allowing anyone into the little home they had made for themselves.

~*~*~  
{one week later}

Magnus still had yet to call Alec back. He wanted to, badly. He wanted to call Alec back more than anything. Especially tonight.

Tonight marked when Alec and Magnus would have been dating for 6 months. If Magnus hadn't royally screwed it up. Of course, it wasn't completely his fault, but he wasn't innocent either.

Magnus' resolve was wearing thin, and it didn't help that he was wallowing in his sadness. So, instead of being the smart, reasonable person he was, he downed the rest of his drink and picked his phone up to make a call.

He heard the telltale sign of the answering machine, and had to wonder if Alec was safe at the time.

"Hello, Alexander. I hope you're doing alright. I shouldn't be calling. I really really shouldn't. But I miss you. I miss you more than I should be missing you considering as I was the one who walked away. Or maybe I just miss you more than I want to. I hope you don't hate me, but I understand if you do. I don't know when I'll be ready to try us out again, but I do not want you to wait for me. I want you to move on. Because even if you're my permanent home, I am your childhood home. Eventually, you'll have to move on from me. Even if I don't want you to, you have to. I'm your first, but that does not mean I need to be your last. It pains me to say all of this, but I will anyway because I know you, Alexander. You're going to fight to get me back and I'll take some time to be ready to have you back here. I'll definitely be waiting here for you, but you shouldn't waste your time waiting on me. Does that make any sense at all? Wow, I feel like we completely switched personalities, considering as how absolutely jaw dropping your message was and how horrible this one is. Not that I think you're horrible at speaking! Oh, dammit this is not going how I wanted it to. But, uh, I- you- uh- saying all, um of this..." he took a deep breath to steady himself before reenacting the whisper Alec had used at the end of his message. "Alec. Please, come home."

Magnus hit the end button and part of him wanted to go back to sleep to pretend that none of this had happened. The other part of him wanted to burst into tears, track Alec down and just sink into his arms like he had so many times before. Alec's arms sounded so wonderful. They would be warm and protective.

Magnus hoped that he hadn't screwed himself over too bad, to where he would never get to feel those wonderful arms holding him tight ever again.

Instead of dwelling on the fact that he had most likely ruined the best thing that had happened to him, he continued on with his planned day, with Alec dancing around his mind the entire time.

At the end of the day, he finally let all of his thoughts go to Alec. He hoped that Alec would take him seriously when he asked him to come home, but he also wanted Alec to stay as far away as possible so that he could continue helping his people.

He heard the ringtone of a message coming through on his phone, so he grabbed it up off the coffee table and read the message.

_Hi. I just got your voicemail. I was out on a hunt all day. I didn't want to assume anything, even though I kind of already did, but can I come home?_

Magnus typed his reply and hit send before he could backtrack. He wasn't sure if it was a great idea, but with Alexander, it was always yes.

_Yes, you can. I think it might not be the most responsible choice, but I want you here._

Only a few seconds passed before he got a reply.

_Okay good, because I'm kind of outside your apartment right now. I came right after the mission._

Magnus smiled, of course Alexander would come as soon as he got the message, but then he would get nervous and self conscious, so he'd text before anything.

_Well, what are you doing out there? Get in here._

_I'm not really sure... the view from your balcony is pretty great tonight._

Magnus chuckled to himself, but then frowned just a little bit. Whenever things got really bad for Alec, he'd go out to the balcony. Of course, he was out there drinking coffee every morning, but if he was out on the balcony at any other point during the day, it meant that he wasn't doing so well, mentally.

_I had better come check it out, then hadn't I?_

_I would say so._

Magnus turned his phone off and set it back on the coffee table.

He was getting up out of the chair he was in to make his way to the balcony, when he saw Alexander. He was in his typical outfit of all black, but even from the distance Magnus was at, he could see telltale signs of exhaustion. How Alec was looking up at the sky made it slightly difficult for Magnus to see his eyes, but not hard enough to where he couldn't see the dark circles under them. Everything from his posture to his messy hair let Magnus know that he wasn't sleeping.

Magnus also saw the bandages wrapped around Alec's knuckles, and he knew instantly that Alec had been training until his knuckles bled, and then even trained after his knuckles started bleeding, as a way to punish himself for lying to Magnus. Magnus had never wanted that. At that point, all of the walls that Magnus had worked so meticulously to build came crashing down purely because he couldn't stand seeing Alec hurt.

He opened the door to the balcony and Alec looked over at him. His lips slowly turned up into a smile, but the rest of his face stayed somber.

"Hey." Alec quietly said, as if talking to loud would shatter what was left of their relationship.

"Hi." Magnus replied back in the same half whisper way.

"It's good to be home." Alec said, his eyes shining. Then, his eyebrows turned down a little bit and he added on, "Even if it's just for a little bit."

"You can come home for as long as you'd like, Alec. It's been fairly empty around here without you."

"I can't sleep without you, Magnus." Alec admitted, seemingly knowing that Magnus had noticed his tired eyes and injured knuckles.

"Neither can I. I can barely do anything without you." And he was telling the truth. Without Alec, all he could do was eat enough to keep him going and have a few clients. The rest of the time, he'd just mope around. Everything felt out of order without the familiar presence of his Shadowhunter.

"We still have a lot to fix, but can all that wait until tomorrow? I just want one more night with you." Alec said looking back up at the sky.

"Why would tonight be our last night together?"

Alec looked at Magnus, surprise written as clear as day on his face. "Well, uh, I just thought you wouldn't want to see me anymore after all of this. I guess I figured you thought we weren't going to be able to be fixed."

"Why fix it if it isn't broken, Alexander?"

"We are broken. I broke your trust, I need to fix that." His voice lowered, as if he didn't want Magnus to hear him, which Magnus barely could. "You broke my heart, that needs fixed."

"Oh, Alexander. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." He pulled Alec into a hug, and finally realized that Alec had been crying the entire time. He felt the sleeve of his shirt dampen, but he couldn't care less.

"Don't apologize." Magnus heard Alec mumble into his shoulder. "I'm the one who should be apologizing."

"We both should be apologizing, Alexander. It looks like your heart wasn't the only thing that was broken." He pulled away from Alec, and Alec looked at him with confusion. "Your hands look pretty beat up. Let me fix them for you."

"No. That's alright, Magnus. Don't waste your energy on me." When Magnus tried to reach for his hands, Alec pulled them away. "Really, Magnus, it's alright. I'm alright."

Magnus put his hands up in fake surrender and smiled a little at Alec. "Okay, okay, you win this time, but you need to go a little easier on yourself. Let's go to bed. I could use some good sleep and some wonderful boyfriend cuddles."

"I'll be fine." Alec stood up from his place on the balcony edge, where he'd been sitting the entire time. "But, sleeping does sound absolutely wonderful to me."

"I haven't slept since I walked out of that Institute." Magnus replied, hoping that he'd get Alec to open up a little bit about him punishing himself for what he did.

"Me either. So, let's go get some well-deserved sleep."

Magnus sighed, ever so slightly, and followed Alec into the bedroom. After undressing down to their underwear, they tangled their legs together, under the silk sheets of the bed. Their bodies were pressed as close as they could get, as if they were trying to make up for all that distance apart.

"I love you, Magnus." Alec whispered.

Magnus waited a few moments before replying. "I love you too, Alexander."

Soon after he answered Alec, he heard soft snores coming from Alec. He took this opportunity to heal the hands that held him so close, and he finally fell asleep for the first time in a week, feeling like everything was a little bit better. Maybe not perfect, but definitely better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, was it a satisfactory sequel? 
> 
> I really wasn't planning on making this multichapter but I'm glad I did. So thank you to everyone who asked for a sequel<3

**Author's Note:**

> As always, all mistakes are my fault and I'll be back to read it over multiple times!
> 
> Thanks for reading :)))
> 
> Update: I renamed this fic because it originally was just a one shot but people requested a sequel.


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